5 lessons & learnings we face as Dad’s

Yes, this applies to Mum’s as well as Dad’s. But I have never been a Mum…so I can only speak to my experience of being a Dad and the Dad’s that I have these conversations with. However, everything below, I would suggest is just as relevant to Mum’s. As you know, there is no guidebook, rule book or manual that is supplied when you become a Dad (parent). You have to learn on the job, take notes from those in your network, draw from your experiences and get creative in the moment. So inevitably, mistakes will be made, lessons will be learnt, and learnings will be had.

But what are the FIVE common problems I see Dad’s encounter along this journey? Note, I am not a psychologist, these are simply my observations, experiences and opinions.

1. Feeling guilty for investing in yourself. This could be time, or it could be money (often it’s both). There is a sense that if we are not sacrificing everything, we are not being the best parent we can be. However, I do not believe this to be the case. If we ourselves are not happy & healthy, how can we show up in our best way. How can we be effective parents and partners? We can’t! This is not you being selfish. It is you ensuring you are being the best version of you that you can. Do NOT sacrifice your fitness. Do NOT sacrifice your nutrition. Do NOT sacrifice your self-care. Whether it is training, clean eating, yoga, surfing, meditation, massages etc., it does not matter. Make time for the things that enable you to be the best version of you. Structure time in the diary to make it happen and make healthy choices. If your children see you investing in you, in your health, your mindset, your wellbeing, they too will often show an interest and want to adopt the same or similar practices.
2. Losing contact with your friends. I have been guilty of this, and funny thing is, before I had kids, I used to make comment on the mates who we never saw anymore because they spent all their time with their kids and zero time with us (the mates). Then ironically, I became the worst offender of all. I still have work to do here, but I am getting better. Our friendships, our mates, are so important to a healthy social network and a healthy mindset. To have the outlet to talk sports, work, frustrations, worries and general banter. A safe space that we all need outside of our family. Over your journey in life, your friendship circle will change…..and that is ok. We change and evolve as people. We change interests, hobbies, and networks. There will always be the lifelong friends that are your rock but be open and ok with shifts in circles. Just like investing in self, you need to make time for this. Actively blocking time out in the diary. It could be weekly, fortnightly, or monthly. No right or wrong….just make it happen.
3. Losing ‘fun’ time with your partner. Before having children, I would suggest that your best friend was your partner. That you used to love doing things together, going places, having experiences, laughing over a meal and a drink. Why does this need to change when your kids arrive in your life? It doesn’t but it tends to be the natural progression post kids. Yes, life gets busy, but this time as lovers, as friends, as husband and wife is so important to your relationship with one another. Yes, the frequency decreases, but it’s not about volume, it’s about quality. DATE NIGHT! Yes, you guessed it, block out time for a date night. Time that you can just be together and do all the things that you always loved to do before having kids.
4. Getting fat and blaming it on the kids. Have you ever said the words, “I hate food wastage”? I hear it all the time. I also hear, “Geeze I have stacked the weight on”. Now, yes, there can be many factors to why the weight has packed on: stress, lack of movement, increase in alcohol, poor food choices. However, I am talking about those who feel they need to clean the leftover food off of every childs plate. I hate waste to, but I value my health more. Firstly, the meals we cook in our home are not highly adjusted for the kids. They eat protein, veg/salad and some fats. Yes, they eat more carbs than I do, typically in the form of rice and pasta, but all in all, we eat quite similar. If there are any leftovers, pack them up and put them in the fridge or freezer. Leftovers are great! But I would rather throw food in the bin (yes it hurts), than eat it, have a big calorie excess every day, gain weight and impact my long term health and wellbeing. The cost of that (to me) is far greater than scraping some spaghetti or leftover rice into the bin. NOTE: I am constantly educating my children on food wastage and gratitude. Being grateful for the tasty, healthy, organic (where possible) food we have. Daily gratitude with my family is a dinner ritual.
5. We are all learning. We make mistakes. We get cranky or angry. We get frustrated. But never leave the conversation (argument) with the child like that. Take the time to sit or lay with them and talk about it. Why you felt the way you did. Why did they feel or act the way they did. What could I (Dad) or they have done differently or better. Always tell them you love them and give them a cuddle. They are learning just as much as we are. And….they are not stupid. Have an open-hearted discussion with them .

Just my 10 cents